Dollypop / Mama Truth / Wearing

Yes, your nail salon is laughing at you

Late this afternoon while Logan was napping and Cameron was contentedly gnawing something child-appropriate on the living room floor, I prepped a nice meal for the family – well, for the family minus me. I washed and chopped broccoli, zucchini, carrots and kale so that Nick could easily wok it up and pair it with some quinoa and tempeh.

Such a nice wifey, right? That and I did want to sneak out of the house for a few to get a quick mani/pedi without any pouting or protest. My plan was to skip sit-down dinner in the name of much-in-need-of-detailing digits and be home in time for the bedtime routine. Nick’s been traveling a bit with his new job, so I knew I needed to snag this self-created window of opportunity, both for some me time and to tidy up my all-but-the-thumbs-picked-off shellac.

Keepin’ it classy over here lately.

And as if I wasn’t already feeling like an unkempt troll, it didn’t help that I happened today to be exploring the very sucessful Cupcakes and Cashmere– a fun visual treat for lovers of fashion, food and other pretty things – whose very kempt L.A.-based blogger counts chipped nail polish as one of her “fun fact pet peeves.” Girl definitely don’t got kids.

So, as my family feasted on my hand-crafted hippie meal, I raced off to the salon with my bag of raw almonds. Since I’m not anorexic, I also stopped at Jamba Juice on the way. And lo and behold, did you know they now have a special section of their menu labeled “Meal Replacement Smoothies?” Well, perf. My options were Berry Blend, Peach Mango and Strawberry Raspberry Banana. When I asked the blender boy which he recommended, his wisdom went like this:

HIM: Do you like berries or more like, mangos and peaches?

Genius process of elimination technique.

ME: Um, both. Berries more, I guess?

HIM: Well, do you like blueberries or just strawberries and raspberries?

Oh man. I guess I was on my own here. I opted for the non-discriminating berry one and was on my way.

I made it to the salon and attempted to pick my perfect spring shade. The pastel mint green was gorg, but I opted for a bright purple on my toes and a lighter periwinkle for my fingers.

As I repeatedly stuck my hands in and out of the gotta-be-bad-for-you UV light pod, I couldn’t help but overhear some interesting background banter between other customers. A few gems:

#1 (An older woman with her husband to some college-age girls): Can you please tell him that LOTS of men get pedicures?

GIRL: Oh yeah, totally. Like, all of my cage fighter friends get them all the time.

Kay.

#2 (Girl getting a manicure that involved like three different colors of polish to be placed on very specific fingers): I’m not going to get my toes done in case I get drunk tonight and they get all messed up.

And also from this refined young lady:

I hope we can get backstage tonight. Last time we saw The Expendables, the opening act got me so wasted I totally passed out. They felt really bad, so they gave me like three free tickets.

Aaaaand #3 (Woman behind me talking to a friend or her manicurist, not sure which): Would you cut off your arms if you were promised wings?

WTF?! There wasn’t nearly enough acetone and acrylic fumes in this place to account for these whack jobs.

On a positive note, the nails turned out fab, and I’m pretty confident I realized the answer to the age-old Asian nail salon question.

When they’re laughing, they’re definitely laughing at us.

XO JJ

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3 thoughts on “Yes, your nail salon is laughing at you

  1. Hands down, my fave is the cage fighter chick. Only in (around) SLO. And funny you should mention mint as that’s what I’m rocking on the digits right now. 😉 Love it.

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